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Coffee, Revisited

- August 12, 2008

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A while back, I posted an item in which I characterized coffee as vile-tasting stuff that is bad for you (ruins your stomach, makes you unbearable to be around, etc.). Well, in an article in the New York Times Jane Brody summarizes a study by the Center for Science in the Public Interest that assesses research on the effects of coffee-drinking,

According to that study, drinking coffee (at least in non-extreme quantities) really isn’t bad for you. And drinking anything in extreme quantities, even water, is bad for you, so coffee’s off the hook on that one, too. (In fairness to my claim that coffee-drinking is bad for you, though, I will note that the study doesn’t go into the social effects of drinking coffee, i.e., the fact — for I will take it as a fact until the Center for Science in the Public Interest advises me to the contrary — that coffee-drinking tends to turn otherwise-normal folks into up-tight, obnoxious people whose lives revolve around their next shot of the stuff. It’s the same reaction that I have when I — a teetotaler — hang around with a bunch of drunks.)

This leaves me with two alternative hypotheses: Either (1) I was wrong, or (2) the folks over at the Center for Science in the Public Interest are a bunch of coffee drinkers who can’t face up to the truth that is so clear to me. Naturally, I prefer the second hypothesis.

Anyway, no matter what you or anybody else say, coffee is vile-tasting stuff. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Rant over. For now.